.dailys way

Mark Rent-Boy thoughts that approximately
cross in my mind couple of hours a go :

"I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way."

Its a linear way between me and Rent-Boy..
the different is only the prescription and the way those things affected.

.reason one

And yes, like my note before i really screwed up. Yes i screwed up again and right now what did i do its affected to other people feelings. Rage, regrets, and words full of emotions stabbing my lungs just like 2012 prophecy. The question is, why did i do it? i could give a million answers, all false. The truth is, im such a bad person.

And 7 and a half hour a go i stil stand for my line that "i`ll choose for living my life with no reasons". But after couple of hours thinking about the haha-haha thing in that such grey psychadelic limbo that will cheer me up, lighten my night and so felt whatever for tomorrow, a nice laugh from across the door shoot me up like a nuclear blast on my brain and lungs. And she just ate and lick my nose then peeing on my bed. "Gaabuu Gaaa Miii omm Booo...", she said. And now i felt that i have reason for living my life with fill with reason. And i found one just right now.. i believe there will be more..

Yes, im such a bad person for now..

But thats gonna change, im goin to change. I`ll be a better person. Im gonna moving on goin straight and choosing life. Im looking forward it already. Im gonna be just like you. The job, the family, fckn big lcd television, washing machine, the car, my own coffee machine, good health, low colesterol, life insurance, junk food, choices of cardigans , and jeans, cold granite floor, wooden wall, walks in the park, checking daily job emails, childrens, good housing wife...

.. clearing by... looking ahead the day you die..

.playground

Every man have a secret little playground that no one knows where it is and not even his love of his life will had a permition to enter and able to play together. That secret little playground is a place that a man can be himself without worrying what will others say to him. He can laugh till his belly shaked, cry like a year old losing pacifier, angry till green and swearing like downtown ghetto, jump while vomiting like a drunkard nascar fan, in this secret little playground. A Man can be or do anything in his secret little playground.

Right now, with all things that been through lately.. im playing death, in my secret little playground. And i let you know about that and i dont know why..

Maybe because im not man enough to have a little secret playground.. so this will be only called a fake playground.. or maybe, there will be less of secret.. more things to say as a person..

so grey.. so heavy.. so blur..


oo.. i forgot...
im playing death right now..