.Falling in Love

I just felt, that im falling in love.
Gold afternoon was a perfect scene in the past several days.
She wake me up with bumping her ass in my face.
She ate everything that looks colourful around her,
but my nose is her most favourite thing to bite (now i knew that my nose quite red, thx love).
And around 8pm she fall a sleep in my lap while im doing my work.
For now, in my phase to be a better man, that is a bliss for me.

Im OK.
Guu gu Bahh BaGu Ga gaahhh.
Do we look alike? *hmfmfmmfmf*

.Rest

My art is the diary of my journey. I make a scene and captured it as an image based on what did i do, why its happening, how it affected, and i did certain things, try to solve it. Right now i think about misery, sickness, desperation, death, and all those fucked up things which we can not ignored. Why i think about those sad things? maybe because i forget the pleasure of it. I do things, but i do realized that its not great either. Although it looks allright back then, its actually just scraps, a shite.

Things that i have, I just got it, play it for a while, then i`ll lose it, and its gone forever, and some of them make a word of regret. Hmm.. after that things happen, i just make another reason as an purpose of my life journey. Try to prove to my self that im a man of steel. Just prove it to my self, not to someone else coz i dont rate compliment, for me it just a symphaty act.

And right now, part of me is sick and dying. And i think, if it going away dor good, it wont coming back again. Yes, for this one, i`ll not make a reason to reincarnate another line. I`ll just let it go, coz i know this one have not a subtitute. Not even methadone, alcohol, sigur ros, jim carrey, and even best guru in town will cure this part. Ahh mate.. You did care, you did love, you did sacrifices, but one think that seemly you forget is how to take that kind of responsibility. Have a nice sleep mate.. dont dream, later you`ll hurt, again.

.............

.............

And in the end, i just say to my self that im not that fucking stupid
and i know that everything will be just fine.

-YGKSM-

.Kenya The Old Labrador

Hello.
My name is Kenya.
Im 9 years old. Old enough to watch mature dog porn.
And this is my tiny little playground.

.dailys way

Mark Rent-Boy thoughts that approximately
cross in my mind couple of hours a go :

"I don't feel the sickness yet, but it's in the post. That's for sure. I'm in the junkie limbo at the moment. Too ill to sleep. Too tired to stay awake, but the sickness is on its way. Sweat, chills, nausea. Pain and craving. A need like nothing else I've ever known will soon take hold of me. It's on its way."

Its a linear way between me and Rent-Boy..
the different is only the prescription and the way those things affected.

.reason one

And yes, like my note before i really screwed up. Yes i screwed up again and right now what did i do its affected to other people feelings. Rage, regrets, and words full of emotions stabbing my lungs just like 2012 prophecy. The question is, why did i do it? i could give a million answers, all false. The truth is, im such a bad person.

And 7 and a half hour a go i stil stand for my line that "i`ll choose for living my life with no reasons". But after couple of hours thinking about the haha-haha thing in that such grey psychadelic limbo that will cheer me up, lighten my night and so felt whatever for tomorrow, a nice laugh from across the door shoot me up like a nuclear blast on my brain and lungs. And she just ate and lick my nose then peeing on my bed. "Gaabuu Gaaa Miii omm Booo...", she said. And now i felt that i have reason for living my life with fill with reason. And i found one just right now.. i believe there will be more..

Yes, im such a bad person for now..

But thats gonna change, im goin to change. I`ll be a better person. Im gonna moving on goin straight and choosing life. Im looking forward it already. Im gonna be just like you. The job, the family, fckn big lcd television, washing machine, the car, my own coffee machine, good health, low colesterol, life insurance, junk food, choices of cardigans , and jeans, cold granite floor, wooden wall, walks in the park, checking daily job emails, childrens, good housing wife...

.. clearing by... looking ahead the day you die..

.playground

Every man have a secret little playground that no one knows where it is and not even his love of his life will had a permition to enter and able to play together. That secret little playground is a place that a man can be himself without worrying what will others say to him. He can laugh till his belly shaked, cry like a year old losing pacifier, angry till green and swearing like downtown ghetto, jump while vomiting like a drunkard nascar fan, in this secret little playground. A Man can be or do anything in his secret little playground.

Right now, with all things that been through lately.. im playing death, in my secret little playground. And i let you know about that and i dont know why..

Maybe because im not man enough to have a little secret playground.. so this will be only called a fake playground.. or maybe, there will be less of secret.. more things to say as a person..

so grey.. so heavy.. so blur..


oo.. i forgot...
im playing death right now..

.3minute lust to boiled

#01

Instant lust for life.
Bon appetite...

.devilinside

Ditujukan kepada saya sebagai sebuah usaha rekonsiliasi pembenahan diri karena telah mengkhianati kata "percaya" beberapa waktu lalu, dan coba berbesar hati terima kata campak dan tak diindahkan. Pilu, tapi memang ini harus dijalani untuk semoga baik kedepannya.

"I trust people. I just don't trust the devil inside them"

Kepercayaan adalah hal yang sensitif untuk begitu saja diabaikan. Kita tak akan pernah tahu identitas seseorang dibalik topeng senyum kesehariannya. Wajah yang kasat mata bisa jadi hanya merupakan topeng untuk menunjukkan sebuah kesan dan pesan untuk lawan bicara, yang dibuat karena menyesuaikan tempat, waktu dan siapa lawan bicara kita agar menimbulakn impresi dan persepsi yang dikehendaki, dan menjadi hal yang menakutkan jika kita mengetahui apa yang ada dibalik wajah klise tersebut.

Kepercayaan terhadap seseorang bukanlah sesuatu yang bisa didapatkan dengan instan, butuh waktu berbulan-bulan, atau mungkin tahunan untuk membentuknya. Emosi yang rapuh yang dikombinasikan dengan sifat dasar manusia yang butuh orang lain untuk hidup membuat kepercayaan menjadi hal yang sensitif dan abu-abu.

Setiap manusia saya percaya punya rahasia kecil yang disimpan dalam ruang sempit yang dijaga sedemekian rupa hingga orang lain tidak ingin mengetahuinya. Dan penjaga ruang sempit tersebut bisa menjadi malaikat pelindung atau bahkan menjadi iblis antipati rasa sosial. Secara tidak sadar kita bisa saja menggunakan salah satu dari mereka sebagai siasat untuk menjadi sesuatu dalam kondisi tertentu. Iya, saya percaya itulah sifat alami manusia. Tidaklah buruk dan masih bisa di atasi jika memang sikap apa adanya memang telah mengakar dan menjadi keseharian kita. Dan semoga hal itu akan menjadi saya yang baru.

Iya, momen itu sangat berdampak akan visual bersosialisasi saya dan persepsi pribadi akan si bungkusuma.

"True human nature, the one that befits us all and the one we all hide, is worse then the fake face we show to the outside world. That, is the true fact of life"

Bukan dengan diam saya jalani teror hati yang dikarenakan alpa saya akan empati welas asih terhadap seseorang. Tapi mencoba menjadi apa adanya, dan senyum sikapi situasi yang satir.

Saya percaya, -Nya sayangi saya.

.shall stand strong

..it is just a phase..

................

Been through a lot.

Like jumping on the cotton sheet, at last.. i am tired.
No more shallow act just to make ourselves laughing that ended up by kissing.
Just a pillow to hug and hope everythings will be ok.
And you shall stand strong facing something grey called love.
Shall we be together?
maybe later.. we`re to busy and felt zero for cuddling our nose.
Be a better person.. just in case.

.taking a break

my 6th day in bali. 2 more days to go.

5 day of photoshoots, rushing hours, less sleep makes me hmfmfmmff.
taking a break for a while at suluban beach, Bali.
wave, wind, and solitude for an hour.
things been goin on out there coz what i did.
and im counting from zero again.

.zero

"a kid, neon, and lights between"


Lay down in kuta with a bottle of beer, being fucked up, and sorry god..
i regreting things..
seeing light as a blade that stabbing ur eyes..
seeing joy as fake 5 minutes frisbee play...
seeing color as the source of pain..
and seeing wave as rage that some people have because things that you did.. and you know that you really deserve it.. so next thing to do is silent.. no more lies..

because you know that the best thing to do to be a man is dare to tell things that you wrongly did, even that hurts.. and prepare you self that you will lose all things that you have just by a minute.. and i already pushing my luck to the edge..

i`ll not running away..
zero here i go..

.do some respect!!

An ilustration for "do some respect!"

Boys being girls, now we just can see it in most of our circles ay? and so what?
i think best thing that we can do is just respect their act just like other person who wanna have some fun.

So do the opposite lads, girls will be boys,
maybe they just show that gorls can do crazy things to have some fun,
they want their rights to shout out loud bout things..
its all about rights.. woman rights! hahaha..


well.. act and attitude.. thats all matters ay?. Respect for them, who dare to shout out loud their act.
Let just called it a "life" lads.. have fun and carry on!!

.wth

Mimpi adalah sesuatu yang menyenangkan
dan tidak memerlukan biaya mahal.

Perbincangan hingga pagi hari dengan dua teman saya Inskur dan Hef berujung dengan senyum runyam (apa pula artinya ini) saya sikapi periode 2010 nanti. Kejar setoran untuk reparasi rumah (sebagaimana layaknya Inskur) atau lakukan hal seenak jidat dan yakin itu akan menghasilkan sesuatu (hello abang Hef).

Tapi setidaknya saya sudah memutuskan sesuatu untuk bisa memilih kedua jalan seperti yang teman karib saya jalani sekarang. Keputusan yang krusial yang mungkin akan buat jalan saya semakin abu-abu. Nekat, ya maaf itulah saya. Tapi karena itulah (walaupun masih dalam hitungan puluhan hari lagi) adrenalin saya mulai berpacu pikirkan strategi untuk coba siasati rute baru yang pastinya saya memulainya kembali dari titik nol (lagi).

God, what did i do yah?

Ahh.. emak dan lingkaran kecil saya masih menyemangati. Mari mimpi.. jangan takut sakit hati!

.Morph

(Rough sketch of Morph series)

Berbicara tentang wacana kreatif dalam koridor seni, Saya percaya setiap individu punya sudut pandang sendiri dalam menilai sesuatu serta menjalani proses kreatifnya. Dan itu adalah hak mutlak yang dimana menurut saya tidak bisa diganggu gugat karena merupakan hak sejak lahir.

Aturan, norma, sarana formal pendidikan, lingkungan pergaulan, dan perdebatan akan sebuah wacana seni hanyalah sebuah referensi dimana setiap individu yang lugas akan menjalani proses tersebut dengan memutuskan jalannya sendiri nantinya. Saya tidak ingin cipta rasa karsa yang saya memiliki terbelenggu dengan sempitnya pengetahuan saya karena saya jarang datang ke sebuah pameran dan meresapi setiap karya didalamnya walau itu hanya prakata di katalog.

Saya mulai muak dengan pengertian ambigu akan artian mapan dan tidak mapan, komersial maupun juangkan isme, kaya akan konsep atau hanya muntah coretan bahkan mungkin predikat gaul dan kampungan yang orang lain sematkan ke tiap individu yang bersangkutan. Buat saya, persepsi akan keindahan itu nisbi sebagaimana halnya kebenaran itu sendiri.

Melakukan proses kreatif dalam menciptakan sebuah karya tanpa konsepsi yang baku bukanlah sebuah kesalahan, walaupun yang bersangkutan masih ragukan warhol dan la chapelle sebagai pejuang kreatif era post modern. Membuka mata dan melihat sesuatu dari sudut pandang lain tidak melulu dari panduan tertulis seniman ternama maupun cap akan "hits"nya seseorang maupun mainstreamnya individu kreatif dalam jalani keseharian. Buat saya semua itu hanya sebatas rasa "suka" maupun "tidak suka" dalam melihat sebuah imej. Dan saya senang melihat persepsi berbeda dari tiap -tiap orang dalam melihat dan menilai sebuah karya, sebagaimana ibu saya katakan tentang koleksi print karya Nan Goldin yang saya unduh dari internet yaitu "Ini apaan sih.. udah gambarnya porno-porno, gak jelas juga maksudnya apa.. kaya gini kho di koleksi..". Dan saya berpikir biarkan ibu saya seperti itu adanya.. tanpa perlu saya jelaskan apa-apa, baik itu tentang estetika emosi maupun semiotika visual didalamnya.

Rangkuman tentang apa yang saya pikir dan pertimbangkan untuk kemudian saya konsepkan dalam hal saya berproses kreatif sekarang ini.

-YGKSM-

.Urbantopia

Pameran Fotografi Kontemporer URBANTOPIA North Art Space Pasar Seni Jaya Ancol
24 Oktober – 15 November 2009

Photographer:
Agan Harahap . Ahmad Deny Salman . Davy Linggar . Hengki Koentjoro . Imelda Mandala . Jay Subijakto . Jim Allen Abel . John Suryaatmadja . Kemal Jufri . Oscar Motuloh . Sutrisno . Wimo Ambala Bayang

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Featuring SAFARI Series by Agan Harahap

.Girl Did Ok!

So called "The Girl Did OK" Project
---------------------------------------
Creative Talent : Cha Gitari
Location : Eno Gitara House

.am i lost (tiga)

Gold fake coin needed, more.. please..

just met her (again) yesterday..
she ate instant spaghetti a lot..
she need more coins..
she have short hair trim on the side, bright lipstick,
listening to mixmusic from the OC, and she adore junya and dash snow..

.am i lost (dua)

Good morning Kempinski.... saya lapar.. cuma punya kopi, mau berbagi?

sorry if im not worried for being cynical.
sepertinya saya masih tersesat.. Hello Muara Gembong!

(Trotoar Bundaran Hotel Indonesia, Jakarta)

.am i lost (satu)

Apakah saya tersesat?

atau memang ini yang benar saya lihat waktu pejam mata sejenak saat seberangi jalan protokol di pusat jakarta di malam hari, dimana (menurut saya) imaji tak kasat mata bisa terlihat jika titik tumpu konsentrasi manusia di pusatkan pada satu subjek saja?

apa iya saat itu saya tumpukan konsentrasi saya pada kata "konsumerisme"?

atau saya terlalu sensitif saja dalam hal melihat brand label?

Atau memang iya saya benar benar tersesat di dimensi lain pojokan pacific place?

siyal..

sepertinya ini bukan yang terakhir..

dan saya benar benar harus lari karenanya.

.New ink

Wisanggeni by Novemto Komo
(Process : 3-4hours, ink after Half an hour, cant wait for a week)

.we talk business

.business mate.

.dew

Dew that refreshing thoughts

....

.YGKSM for SALE!!

E.A.T Artist Series v.01

Snapshot from :
E.A.T official Website
Yes... YGKSM for sale!!

.Ballad

Bob Dylan - Ballad of A Thin Man

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is

Do you, Mister Jones?

Doing nothing . Smoke on bed. Thinking about the next 4 years. Sigh!!

.NY NY NY

Newyorknewyorknewyork.. still dreaming of Newyorknewyorknewyork
Smokin pot, dryin ayahuasca with pinchbeck, and have indian accent while swearing on town square..
o Newyorknewyorknewyork....

2007